Have you ever heard of "Dignity Therapy"?

A friend of mine that works in a wellness center for cancer patients asked me, "Have you ever heard of 'Dignity Therapy'?"

I could guess what that means, but nope.

"That's essentially what you're doing," she replied.

Well then, I think I'll read up on this subject! After all, who doesn't want to know what they're doing? Achieving a better understanding of our chosen life's work is a goal worth pursuing, I'd think. So I Googled.

I found numerous links, so I'll now summarize. 'Dignity Therapy' is a "psychotherapeutic intervention for patients near the end of life". In English, that means Dr. Harvey Chochinov came up with a process for people to share their life stories in order to gain a sense of closure for their lives.

The idea that this would go over well seemed to me a no-brainer, but "Journal of Clinical Oncology" performed a study to see if the process had any merit. Here are the results of the study:

Ninety-one percent of participants reported being satisfied with dignity therapy; 76% reported a heightened sense of dignity; 68% reported an increased sense of purpose; 67% reported a heightened sense of meaning; 47% reported an increased will to live; and 81% reported that it had been or would be of help to their family. Postintervention measures of suffering showed significant improvement (P = .023) and reduced depressive symptoms (P = .05). Finding dignity therapy helpful to their family correlated with life feeling more meaningful (r = 0.480; P = .000) and having a sense of purpose (r = 0.562; P = .000), accompanied by a lessened sense of suffering (r = 0.327; P = .001) and increased will to live (r = 0.387; P = .000).

Craziness! StoryKeeping unintentionally conducts 'Dignity Therapy'. Interesting.

The mission of StoryKeeping is to help people capture the highlights of their loved one's lives. This mission isn't limited to elderly or terminally ill people, however, when "life happens" family members get that extra kick in the rear and are motivated to do something about it. It takes a special person to prioritize something like a StoryKeeping session for a loved one that isn't in danger of losing their lives soon. What a demonstration of love! That said, there's the reality that most of us have an instinctive love for procrastination, and for those families blessed with those extra days, weeks, or even months to say "Goodbye" Dr. Chochinov has created 'Dignity Therapy'.

At this point StoryKeeping does not employ doctors or professional therapists. StoryKeeping does, however, possess a phenomenal love for people. As the Beatles sang, "All you need is love". When you approach someone with love in your heart, and a sincere curiosity for their lives, strangers become friends within minutes. Dale Carnegie has taught millions the secret to "...Winning Friends and Influencing People", and his philosophy is centered around the idea that people love to feel valued.

All this time I was thinking it was the families of those interviewed that were experiencing the benefits of retaining their loved one's life stories. I'm so inspired by the thought that StoryKeeping gives those interviewed a renewed sense of purpose!

"Have you ever heard of 'Dignity Therapy'?" Yes. I'm proud to say it is one of the things I do.

Living Life "to the Floorboard"

I did a StoryKeeping session last week featuring a friend of mine's grandparents. I'd never met them before, but had heard enough about their family through the years that I felt like I already knew them.

I was a shy kid growing up, and didn't get into much trouble. In fact, I believe I was only grounded once. Me, Tamra, and Amanda Rogers were going to the movies. I sat in the back of the Caprice while Tamra got out to put gas in the car. Amanda had heard about a party over at a friend's house, and somehow in that parking lot the plans changed from movie night to party night. I couldn't drive yet, so I was along for the ride regardless.

We drove on out to Justin Joseph's house. I sat in the back of a truck and drank a beer. It was the first taste of beer I'd had since I was a small child, when Dad gave me a sip to let me know how terrible it tasted, and I agreed I wouldn't want to touch the stuff anyway. Seemed harmless enough. After a few hours it was time to go back home, so when we walked through the door Dad asked us how the movie was. "Fine" was the answer to most questions in that era of our lives, so that was it. Well, at least we thought that was it.

About two weeks later we came home from school and Dad was at the dinner table.

"Where were you the night of [insert forgotten date here]?"

"I dunno."

I wasn't lying. I really didn't know what date he was talking about. This was before iPhone calendars or any real sense of responsibility had entered my life.

"Think about it, and you make sure you tell me the truth."

I really was thinking, but was drawing a blank. As it turns out, our neighbors Jason and Justin Aguilar were out at the party too, and had told their daddy that Tamra and I had come out that night. I guess everyone experienced some sort of surprise over the situation.

Tamra and I were grounded for two months.

Skip about fifteen years and I find myself sitting in the living room of Amanda's grandparents. Amanda's sister Liz sponsored a 3-hour StoryKeeping session to cover both of their lives. The idea was to create one CD for Glenn Rogers, one CD for Joyce Rogers, and one CD interviewing both of them sharing stories of their lives together. I knew it was going to be fun, and asked Joyce if she was ready about an hour before I came over. "I'm ready as I'll ever be!"

Three hours quickly turned to four as they shared their lives with me. I had a blast and I think they may have enjoyed themselves too.

When Glenn and Joyce were telling me about one of their first dates ever, they admitted that it didn't end until five in the morning. Yes, it was a New Year's party and they weren't able to leave 'til after midnight. Yes, it was snowing (in San Antonio, even!) Yes, Glenn had two other couples to drop off on the way home. And, finally, yes the windshield wipers weren't working so he had to drive really slowly with his head out the window the entire way 'cause he couldn't see through the ice. This mischievous couple had some great excuses, for sure, but I couldn't help but think of the late nights I've enjoyed partying with the Rogers family. Perhaps their tendency to celebrate is hereditary. Glenn and Joyce agreed. haha

Before Glenn and Joyce had any children they owned a Dodge Charger. For those unfamiliar, the Dodge Charger was a car that was ready to drag race right off the production line. Four hundred and forty cubic inches of displacement meant you were getting from point A to point B pretty quickly. Sometimes you'd end up at point C before you knew what'd happened.

"So you were a hot rod mama?"

"Yes, I enjoyed racing that car ... I'd put it to the floorboard."

I laughed aloud hearing those words come out of this sweet great-grandmother sitting before me. So unsuspecting, but as it turns out Joyce's has been a life full of "to the floorboard" moments.

As I climbed into my truck and drove off past all the Roger's homes, I laughed as I put it all together. Not only could I see my friend's faces in theirs, I also realized their zest for life branched from those same genetics.

My cheeks hurt from all the laughing, and I couldn't help but think that if I'd grown up a couple generations back, Glenn and Joyce probably would've gotten me grounded too.

Thank you Liz for making the StoryKeeping session possible, and thank you to the entire Roger's family for showing me how to put it "to the floorboard". Y'all have a beautiful and entertaining family.

Circle "Yes" or "No"

Third grade was a fun year for me. My flat top was in full effect, and I discovered girls. That, or girls discovered me ... not sure which came first, but it was definitely a pivotal year. If I recall correctly I liked three girls in my class at the same time.

I was laying on my bed when Mom walked in with a piece of paper.

"Hey Clinton ... who is Amber?"

"MOOOOOOOO-OOOO-OOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!"

Elementary mistake, my friends. Don't throw away your first love note at home. If you do, make sure it's torn to shreds so it's completely indecipherable, or your mama will find it in your trash can.

"I just want to know who is trying to take my baby away from me."

Thanks Mom. I'd tossed it so she wouldn't find it. Now I wish I still had that note. Not completely because I may be a pack-rat by nature and find it difficult to throw away anything with an ounce of meaning, but it was epic. The note even featured the classic "Circle 'Yes' or 'No'" function; almost guaranteed to pull a decision out of the intended target.

It's been a long time since I've received a "Circle 'Yes' or 'No'" letter. Now that I think about it ... that was the only one. Thanks for falling for my flat top, Amber. What a cool keepsake that'd be now!

Fast forward twenty years, and I've used StoryKeeping to create what I believe to be a perfect romantic keepsake.

Check out this link to see how you can capture your love-related stories and create the most thoughtful Valentine's gift your significant other has received to date. You can buy anything, but it's the thought that counts. In this case, I've made it easy for you to collect all your thoughts, quickly, in one place, and allow StoryKeeping to do the grunt work to make you look like a pro. We have until February 10th to get it together.

Email me at info@storykeeping.com or call 210-216-2727 to reserve a time.

Too Young to Die?

I didn't hear about it on the news, at least, not at first. I was talking to some of my fellow Board members after our monthly meeting at the San Antonio A&M Club, and I had my phone volume turned down so I hadn't noticed the 1st call in time. Quickly, a second call came in from the same person, one of my lady best friends. Her broken voice told me something was terribly wrong, and that's when she relayed the news. One of our high school classmates, and a friend that we'd both hung out with just a couple weeks before, had been killed on Loop 1604 on the NW side of San Antonio. Apparently it happened in the early morning hours, and within 7-8 minutes driving distance of my home. I drive that same stretch of road late at night fairly often. How far am I from death? Two nights ago it was 1.8 miles.

When I was in kindergarten I went straight to the back of the bus with my buddy Waylon. Our cheeks would hurt by the time we got home, partly because of all the smiling and laughter, and partly because of the force of the air escaping between our mouthes and the palms of our hands. The rest of the kids admired our fart-noise talents, but the bus driver not so much. A few years ago, as I understand it, he'd picked up some Taco Cabana and was on his way home when he ran off Bandera Road trying to get to his cell phone. His truck rolled and he passed away within a hundred or so yards of my bus stop, where we'd said goodbye every Monday through Friday of the academic year. Every time I hear "This is where the cowboy rides away" by George Strait it takes me back to his funeral service at Our Lady of Guadalupe Catholic Church, where dozens of classmates wondered how a person with a lifetime of energy could be lifeless in an instant.

In seventh grade GT classes I was stuck with this one girl. I think we both annoyed each other equally, but my girlfriend at the time was a friend of hers so we had to put up with each other. One day we were walking down the hallway and she turned bright red. Her bra had broken. She asked me to "block" for her, so she stood between me and the lockers, and I did my best to shield her mishap from all the ruthless kids swarming past during the break. I guess you could say we had a break-through, because Mikey became one of my best friends that day. The next year she wrote me a note that said "I am always watching you!" in creepy lettering, with big huge eyeballs for dramatic effect. I was playing racquetball at the REC Center at Texas A&M my freshman year when a former classmate of mine walked up. "Hey ... did you know Mikey Schmidt?" "Yeah, she's one of my best friends ever ... why?" Mikey was coming home for the weekend from Abilene Christian University in the passenger seat, when the driver fell asleep at the wheel. They went off the road, over-corrected, and went into oncoming traffic. "She died yesterday ... I'm sorry." I went back into the racquetball court a few moments later. My friend served the ball, and I returned it right between his eyes knocking him to the ground. I realized I was livid, and quit the game. A few years ago I was cleaning out my childhood desk and found the note Mikey had written over a decade before. "I am always watching you!" It made me laugh, just like it did the first time I read it. I'm thankful for the memories, and thankful for my guardian angel still today.

One of the first things that went through my head in each of these cases was, "But God, they're too young to die." I suppose they weren't, and ultimately the only thing I have from each of these friends are the bits and pieces that I cling to in the recesses of my brain.

In the StoryKeeping ad we produced last week, we said "discover how you can make sure your loved one's story lives on forever ... it's never too early to start, so start now." I didn't know that I was going to be force-fed that reality again so soon. Rest in peace, my friends!

When StoryKeeping gets personal ...

My dad purchased a StoryKeeping session for my mom as a surprise Christmas gift for the Haby kids. I was surprised at first. Mama is young. She has a lot of life to live, but then again Mom always has had great stories too. This will be fun.

Mom only wanted her kids to hear her stories, but hopefully she'll be okay with me sharing a little bit about the process. She kicked off the session with a story I'd never heard before. I've known her all my life! I'm almost 30 now, and despite some shortcomings in my earlier years, I listen when Mama speaks. But right out of the gate, here it comes ...

Grandpa and Grandma Benke were a fun couple to watch. He'd tease about going to visit his ex-girlfriends, and Grandma would find the closest thing to hit him with, whether that was a roll of newspaper (or as I learned at this year's Benke Christmas) a frying pan. Despite the silliness, they'd successfully raised eleven (11!) children and obviously loved each other very much. My mom's name is "Shirlyrene". She goes by "Shirly", but I've always known that Mama's formal name is "Shirlyrene". Grandpa Benke (Mom's dad) named all my mother's sisters after his ex-girlfriends, so Mom was set to be named "Shirley Rene". That is, until Grandma Benke got a hold of the birth certificate before Grandpa could. Shirley and Rene were joined and Mama was given the middle name of Sue. "Shirlyrene Sue Benke". Grandma wins.

That was revelation #1. My Mom was seconds away from having a different name. For me, that was huge. Revelation #2 wasn't so much a single story that she told, but an underlying theme.

The topics were as follows:

1) Born - where you were born, when, who was there, etc.
2) Childhood - stories you recall about growing up
3) School - where you went, what you studied, what it was like, etc.
4) Meeting Dad - dating life, the story of how you met, etc.
5) Jobs - from your 1st through present day, your career history
6) Involvement - your hobbies, groups you belong to, etc.

I try to keep the topics loose so the subject has freedom to roam, and this also allows me to pick up on when there's more story to be told.

Topic 1 I learned how Mama got her name. Topic 2 she shared stories about growing up I'd heard before, and some new ones too. Topic 3 was interesting 'cause I'd never asked her about where she went to grade school before. Topic #4 she left out the part where she kissed Dad in the parking lot the 1st night she met him, but later admitted that was the case. This is for the kids, after all, I understand Mama. Topic 5 and 6 is where the underlying theme rose to the top.

The topic of Jobs was pretty short. She has helped Dad build Haby's Automotive for years. That said, the topic of "Involvement" was up in a matter of a couple minutes, and immediately she dove into a list of things like:

Hermann Son's Dance Class (Tamra for years and me for one "Hokey Pokey")
Little League Team Mom (Tamra and I)
PTA (Tamra and I)
Softball Fundraisers (Brittany)
Decorating the Locker Room (Shaun)
... and the list went on and on.

I felt like something was missing. Mama, what have you done for YOU?

We finished the StoryKeeping session a little after midnight. Mama stood by the door as I walked off to my truck, the same way she always does, and I always honk out "bye bye" as I drive away. As I drove home that night I experienced revelation #2.

Tamra (my older sis) will be turning 31 in a couple days. Mama has been "momming" for over 30 years. You see, there is a 10 year gap between myself and my brother Shaun. Brittany, the youngest, is presently a Junior in high school, so there have been Haby kids running around the house since 1979. As long as I can remember Mama was the first to get up and the last to go to bed. Always industrious, and not a thing for herself?

A few weeks ago a friend posted the following poem on Facebook. I read it then, and thought it was nice. I'll copy and paste here for you now:

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and friends.

Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

As soon as I got home I laid down to go to sleep. I looked at the clock and it was around 12:30am. My mind raced as I reflected on everything my mother had said, but mostly my mind was consumed by what she didn't say. Her entire life has been focused on serving others.

I recalled Dad coming up from the shop when I was in trouble once, "Don't you ever talk back to your mom! She does more for you and does without so you can have." That poem I'd read a few weeks ago was written about my Mama.

The lump in my throat was still alive and well the last time I glanced up at the soft glow of my alarm clock - 3:37am. Laying there, exhausted yet wide awake, in awe of my mother's life.

At first I was surprised, but I'm proud that Dad made Mom's story a priority. Heck yeah she's young. She even stopped me before I drove off to let me know there were some things she left out, but as I said then this won't be the last time, Mama.

I learned how Mama became Shirlyrene Sue Benke Haby. My parents taught me that it's never too early to capture the highlights of a lifetime. Ultimately, I developed a deeper appreciation for my mother's love. What a gift!

I see StoryKeeping as a vehicle to honor loved ones now while we still have the opportunity to do so. I find that so motivational, and I look forward to the journey. Is there anyone in your life you'd like to honor?

Thank you Daddy, and thank you Mama! I love y'all and appreciate the example you've set for me.

Happy New Year Everybody!

Audio Base Package

StoryKeeping Base Audio Package is $300 (+ tax) and includes:

Interview preparation
2 hours of on-location interview (no-charge travel in San Antonio area, outside SA is at fuel-cost)
CD quality audio recording
Professional audio editing
Professional CD Production
Ten (10) produced 2-CD sets in attractive, custom DVD casing
Hand-delivery/Shipping & Handling

The StoryKeeping base package makes for an amazing, lifelong keepsake and gift for family and friends. Sponsors of the StoryKeeping session choose 10 topics they'd like covered, provide a picture of the subject (for the case cover), and allow StoryKeeping to handle the rest. You will discover things about your loved one you never knew, and will be able to cherish the highlights of a lifetime forever.

Call Clinton Haby at 210-216-2727 to schedule a StoryKeeping Session.

**Additional copies are available at $20/each.

Thank you for supporting StoryKeeping! - Clinton Haby