When StoryKeeping gets personal ...

My dad purchased a StoryKeeping session for my mom as a surprise Christmas gift for the Haby kids. I was surprised at first. Mama is young. She has a lot of life to live, but then again Mom always has had great stories too. This will be fun.

Mom only wanted her kids to hear her stories, but hopefully she'll be okay with me sharing a little bit about the process. She kicked off the session with a story I'd never heard before. I've known her all my life! I'm almost 30 now, and despite some shortcomings in my earlier years, I listen when Mama speaks. But right out of the gate, here it comes ...

Grandpa and Grandma Benke were a fun couple to watch. He'd tease about going to visit his ex-girlfriends, and Grandma would find the closest thing to hit him with, whether that was a roll of newspaper (or as I learned at this year's Benke Christmas) a frying pan. Despite the silliness, they'd successfully raised eleven (11!) children and obviously loved each other very much. My mom's name is "Shirlyrene". She goes by "Shirly", but I've always known that Mama's formal name is "Shirlyrene". Grandpa Benke (Mom's dad) named all my mother's sisters after his ex-girlfriends, so Mom was set to be named "Shirley Rene". That is, until Grandma Benke got a hold of the birth certificate before Grandpa could. Shirley and Rene were joined and Mama was given the middle name of Sue. "Shirlyrene Sue Benke". Grandma wins.

That was revelation #1. My Mom was seconds away from having a different name. For me, that was huge. Revelation #2 wasn't so much a single story that she told, but an underlying theme.

The topics were as follows:

1) Born - where you were born, when, who was there, etc.
2) Childhood - stories you recall about growing up
3) School - where you went, what you studied, what it was like, etc.
4) Meeting Dad - dating life, the story of how you met, etc.
5) Jobs - from your 1st through present day, your career history
6) Involvement - your hobbies, groups you belong to, etc.

I try to keep the topics loose so the subject has freedom to roam, and this also allows me to pick up on when there's more story to be told.

Topic 1 I learned how Mama got her name. Topic 2 she shared stories about growing up I'd heard before, and some new ones too. Topic 3 was interesting 'cause I'd never asked her about where she went to grade school before. Topic #4 she left out the part where she kissed Dad in the parking lot the 1st night she met him, but later admitted that was the case. This is for the kids, after all, I understand Mama. Topic 5 and 6 is where the underlying theme rose to the top.

The topic of Jobs was pretty short. She has helped Dad build Haby's Automotive for years. That said, the topic of "Involvement" was up in a matter of a couple minutes, and immediately she dove into a list of things like:

Hermann Son's Dance Class (Tamra for years and me for one "Hokey Pokey")
Little League Team Mom (Tamra and I)
PTA (Tamra and I)
Softball Fundraisers (Brittany)
Decorating the Locker Room (Shaun)
... and the list went on and on.

I felt like something was missing. Mama, what have you done for YOU?

We finished the StoryKeeping session a little after midnight. Mama stood by the door as I walked off to my truck, the same way she always does, and I always honk out "bye bye" as I drive away. As I drove home that night I experienced revelation #2.

Tamra (my older sis) will be turning 31 in a couple days. Mama has been "momming" for over 30 years. You see, there is a 10 year gap between myself and my brother Shaun. Brittany, the youngest, is presently a Junior in high school, so there have been Haby kids running around the house since 1979. As long as I can remember Mama was the first to get up and the last to go to bed. Always industrious, and not a thing for herself?

A few weeks ago a friend posted the following poem on Facebook. I read it then, and thought it was nice. I'll copy and paste here for you now:

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and friends.

Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

As soon as I got home I laid down to go to sleep. I looked at the clock and it was around 12:30am. My mind raced as I reflected on everything my mother had said, but mostly my mind was consumed by what she didn't say. Her entire life has been focused on serving others.

I recalled Dad coming up from the shop when I was in trouble once, "Don't you ever talk back to your mom! She does more for you and does without so you can have." That poem I'd read a few weeks ago was written about my Mama.

The lump in my throat was still alive and well the last time I glanced up at the soft glow of my alarm clock - 3:37am. Laying there, exhausted yet wide awake, in awe of my mother's life.

At first I was surprised, but I'm proud that Dad made Mom's story a priority. Heck yeah she's young. She even stopped me before I drove off to let me know there were some things she left out, but as I said then this won't be the last time, Mama.

I learned how Mama became Shirlyrene Sue Benke Haby. My parents taught me that it's never too early to capture the highlights of a lifetime. Ultimately, I developed a deeper appreciation for my mother's love. What a gift!

I see StoryKeeping as a vehicle to honor loved ones now while we still have the opportunity to do so. I find that so motivational, and I look forward to the journey. Is there anyone in your life you'd like to honor?

Thank you Daddy, and thank you Mama! I love y'all and appreciate the example you've set for me.

Happy New Year Everybody!